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Life with V by Valerie Spencer Becks
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Issue 7 - Life with V
Life with V by Valerie Spencer Becks

‘Life with V’ – written by Valerie Spencer Becks
from Belper.

Valerie or ‘V’ is well known locally for
her beautiful wedding cakes but you will see that
Valerie has an excellent talent for portraying her
own take on everyday life in a most humorous

Now I don’t know about anybody else but have you noticed TV advertising is being directed at people who clearly have degrees in science and chemical engineering, people who are clearly in need of a high powered hearing aid and people who don’t know what fresh food is.

I mean when I want to go and buy some moisturiser, for instance, I wander into my local Boots or other make up shop and buy some Oil of Olay or some such. I’ve never really felt a need to think or worry about whether it has Bepto Bismal Bismades with Gloopy doopy doo-dahs in it - mainly because I have no idea what those are, if they indeed exist and if I really want to put them on my face. I also assume that anybody who does understand this clearly has degrees in the aforementioned chemical engineering and can probably afford to pay for their Bepto Bismal Bismades. I think I’ll stick to Oil of Olay.

Then there’s that annoying Denise Van Outagain who wanders through fields and up roads with her shopping trolley (bit peculiar in itself), telling us that she likes to buy fresh meat, fresh vegetables and fresh fish – unlike the rest of us of course who like to buy rotten meat, manky vegetables and smelly fish. Also why hasn’t she been arrested for trolley theft and isn’t she worried about losing her £1.00 trolley fee!!

Then, and I know you will all agree with this one, there is the window replacement fella – he of the long hair and somewhat grubby look and dubious dress sense - who clearly believes we are all deaf and screams about his buy one get one free at the top of his lungs in the most annoying shrill known to man. Tell you what I wish he would ‘Bogoff.’

Or there’s always the guy from you know who .com who does the same thing (although he seems have toned it down a bit lately). Why do they have to yell at us – do they not realise we have a mute button and as loud as they yell it doesn’t help if they are muted. I refuse to buy these products on the basis that if I do they will think their advertising is working and they will continue with their annoying adverts.

Also I know it’s not advertising but have you noticed that BBC news have decided that it is somehow a good thing to have this incessant bongo drum music, like something out of Jumanji, playing in the background when their newsreaders are reading the news. What is that all about and what idiot got paid a fortune to decide that was a good idea? I keep waiting for elephants, zebras and Robin Williams to go storming across the screen.

I’d watch the other morning news programme, but find them all a bit tedious and as they never let their interviewees get a word in edgeways because they are too busy ranting on about themselves I don’t quite see the point of it.

Think I’ll go back to the newspaper because of course if it’s in the newspaper it must be true!!!!!!!

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