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Life with V by Valerie Spencer Becks
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Issue 10 - The onslaught of TV cookery...
Life with V by Valerie Spencer Becks

‘Life with V’ – written by Valerie Spencer Becks
from Belper.

Valerie or ‘V’ is well known locally for
her beautiful wedding cakes but you will see that
Valerie has an excellent talent for portraying her
own take on everyday life in a most humorous
manner...

Are any of the rest of you well and truly tired of the constant onslaught of cooking programmes?

This afternoon, I put the TV on only to be told that, oh joy, oh bliss, we are going to be getting yet another new cooking programme – then I flip over to another channel to get the exciting news that they are also going to honour us with another new cooking programme – it was all I could do to contain my excitement at such splendid news … NOT.

I was half watching one last week and some daft chef who clearly lives on another planet was concocting some horrible looking mess and using truffles (not the chocolate type unfortunately), that cost approximately £3,000 per ounce. Yes that’s what I said £3,000 per ounce (and not even chocolate).

I am fairly sure that if I announced I was going to pop down to my local greengrocers and pay £3,000 for approximately an ounce of something a pig had dug up that somebody would pop me into a custom designed white coat, put me in a padded room and throw away the key.

I don’t know about the rest of you but after working my rear off for about 12 hours I have no great desire to rush home and spend hours preparing some culinary delight that will take me half the night to prepare and require me to re-mortgage my house. I open the freezer and whatever pops out is what goes in the oven, usually only after ruling out ordering a take away or popping down to Georges. I suspect it would take me several days of hunting to find a £3,000 truffle if I even knew where to or cared to start looking.

I have no problem with the odd cooking programme but they are never ending. How much cooking do they think we actually do? I actually quite enjoy cooking and am a pretty good cook (well I should I make a living from cooking), but come on, give it a rest - perrrleeaaseee.

Then there are the chefs themselves who are amongst the most arrogant, rudest bullies I have ever seen in my life. I once worked for a fairly obnoxious bully (serious case of Napoleon syndrome there), and I’ve seriously thought about calling him and telling him to become a chef, he’d make a fortune, unfortunately he can’t boil water.

And the language particularly by one Gordon Ramsay – is it really necessary to use foul language and interject every other word with some expletive. If I carried on like that on the street I’d get arrested, locked up and the aforementioned key thrown away. And their table manners are revolting – they shovel it in, talk with their mouths open, share plates, cutlery and put so much in their mouths in one go it’s unfortunate that most of them haven’t choked yet.

Guess they cook in the kitchens but haven’t learnt the basic table manners necessary to eat in their own restaurants.

Bring back variety shows, comedy shows, something to laugh at, identify with, sing along to, enjoy, relax with. I’ve had it with being told how to cook, how to clean, how to buy, sell, renovate, pack, move, paint, decorate, auction, my house.

I just want to kick back and relax when I’ve finished working – am I just bone idle or is that what you lot want to do as well??

Anyway, on that note have a very Happy Christmas (don’t spend too much time in the kitchen) and I’ll catch up with you next year!

V

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